I don't know what it is about being home, but I always seem to sleep more then anywhere else. No more 20 hour stretches, but some 12 hour ones. My family had a nice Christmas Eve. We made our normal Christmas Eve snack foods and sat around the fire and talked. Mom and I played Rummy, I won.
We went to the Christmas Eve service at our church which was pleasantly awkward. I don't think those people have ever known what to do with me (or my family for that matter) and for lack of anything better to do they had tried to fit us into some sort of norm... and we keep popping out. It actually hurts to go it there and think of all the people who I honestly thought cared about me, but really wanted me to fit into their ideas of reality. This applies to my ex-boyfriend as well as others. There are some there who I know really do care about me and are fine with me being me, but they are the few. We had communion tonight and I seriously considered not taking any because I have such a hard time getting a good attitude while I am there. I just had to always keep in mind that those who I feel oppressed by are not what I am to align my faith with. I align myself with Christ alone, and anyone who has a problem with that can take it up with Him. It’s odd that living my faith sometimes involves defiance, gracious though it may be, but it does. I have realized that living my life the way God would have me live it involved being true to myself and not swayed by the desire for good opinions from those perceived as pious. I need not to settle with the “assumed me”, I need to allow the core of myself to shine. That’s the only part that God’s light has any chance of sparkling from inside me. Jesus Christ was a radical. He didn’t allow the temptation of insincerity to cloud the rewards of actually sucking it up and being nice.
Alright, *steps of tiny soap box* I am going to take a shower kids. Have a great Christmas.
Posted by Deke at December 25, 2003 12:51 AM