This is my eighteeneth post. I went thrifting yesterday with my dear friend Kirsten. We drove out to Bay City (were the best thrift shops live) whilst listening to some of the best Ani DiFranco has ever written. I almost threw up twice. Once in the car anc once in the thrift shop. There is this nasty stuff in my mouth from "my oral surgery" and I can't seem to stop it. It's draining down the back of my throat and is all gross. The stiches don't help much as they are two long and I feel like I have whiskers in my mouth. Everytime I talk I have to put them back in place with my tongue, which does not help with the gross tasting stuff staying away from my tongue. I look like a chipmunk, or an Inuit women, or a Natalie who has had her ears boxed. I also have a big bruise on my arm from the IV. In general, I have looked better. I have pink roses from my mom though, so I think I can find the strength to carry on.
Mom suggested we go out to breakfast, I patted my swallon cheeks and she was like "oh, oh yeah." Thanks mom. ^_^
I can't feel my bottom lip. I mean, I really can't. Things like spiting I took for granted. It's not just my bottom lip, it's the majority of the lower half of my face. I got my wisdom teeth out. It didn't hurt that much, but the staff at the doctors office I was at really pissed me off. The whole thing was not cool. Major lack of bedside manner and proffessionalism. They knew what they were doing, just not that it was on a person. At one point they knocked my oxygen mask think up just enough that it was covering my nose and I couldn't breath. My normal dentist has told me countless times what a good patient I am with standing still and all, but this guy, I try and communicate I CAN'T &%#@ING BREATH and he is all like: "stay still." Alright, it's a surgery, but breathing, ya know? So I think I flicked him off and he finally set it on strait again. I told my mom what I did (as much as I could tell anyone anything with my mouth numb like that and two tons of gauze) and she just crumpled into laughter. Basterds. It takes a lot to piss me off that much, but man, I am thinking of writing a letter of complaint. I almost started crying severel times during the damn surgery! Not from pain, just from the inconsiderate way the doctor was handling it. Now I am going to watch four volumes of Monty Python and enjoy my effin vicodin while it lasts and try to drink something without drooling.
For some reason this needs to be in the honor of Tyler... I haven't thought through why yet though.
Just a few things before I forget: I fixed the font size, the comment thingy, as well as a few other little odds and ends around here. Hope things are more enjoyable around here.
Last night I watched one of the oddest and most charming films I have ever seen: The Cuckoo.
The setting is somewhere in northern Finland days before the Finnish pulled out of World War II. It starts out with a Finnish sniper being nailed (via a chain, thankfully) to a rock because he is thought to be a coward. Somewhere near bye there is a Russian soldier on his way to a trial about something that seemed to involve poetry... which puts one on awares. Placed in the midst of this is Anni, the Lapp farmer (as in, her cultural background is Lapp, or Sami, not as in the far distant cousin occupation to a lap dancer) who has been widowed for four years. Things happen, as the tend to do (trixie things), and they all end up living together; a Russian soldier who speaks only Russian, a Finish soldier who is not a fascist, even though his country is sided with Germany, and this simple farm girl who is rather sexually frustrated. All three of these people have the gift of gab and watching them all try to communicate is fascinating, all well as extremely funny. It's definitely a comedy, although a slow and thoughtful one. These people breath back life into each other simply by caring that the others continure to live. It's well worth the watch, so go get it! Gowan witcha!
Still here? Well, another good movie I saw today (now yesterday) was Peter Pan. This is the best version of Peter Pan yet, and makes one want to watch Hook as soon as it ends so you can continue the warm feeling Neverland gives you. I have been so surprised this Christmas at the depth of feeling supposed "fantasy" movies have conjured for me. Return of the King was arguably one of the most moving movies I have ever seen, and today I definitely had tears in my eyes again. The innocence and wonder of childhood is so important to hold on to as adults (which I guess I am now). I think that maintaining wonder was a big part of my personal growth this past year. It's funny to think of something like wonderment as a discipline, but in a way it is. Sinking into a jadded world view is much simplier then constantly throwing out the garbage of day to day life so that one can maintain innocence and wonder. Hrm, I am going to have to think on that one some more.
Peter was played by Jeremy Sumpter, who looks remarkably like a childhood sweetheart of mine. We played together all the time growing up and when I moved away we were both so sad. I saw us in the interactions between Wendy and Peter and that made their romance more relevant to me then almost any other movie romance I have ever seen. Yes, romance, and yes, between children. I fear for the reputation of the film. Romance is something that does not necessarily need a sexual element (much like sex often lacking in the romance department) and the sweetness of feeling shown here was definitely childlike and innocent. Wendy genuinely cares for Peter, and vice versa, but the difficulty of communicating caring to someone, let alone of the opposite gender, is so hard, and they both shed many tears over their failings at it. In the end Wendy's love saves Peter's life. It seems that love always ends up being the truest savoir. This film is both enchanting and deeply moving. I doubt many people will watch it with the same wonder I did, but I hope they at least try.
Today was a really good day. I spent most of it with my very best friend Krista. She gave me my birthday gift, which is this amazing pottery vase that she made. She normally makes my gifts and she always tries to graft as much of who I am into them as possible. She always ends up amazing me.
We spent our time together running around the mall picking up odds and ends, spending gift certificates, returning stuff etc. I picked up a new journal, since my other one is almost full, got some beading fixings and some ear rings. I also bought some stuff for my camera... oh, did I mention I GOT A CAMERA! This just about blew me away. It's a great camera, very similar to the model I borrowed from Katie all year.
Krista and I are not big shoppers, so we "left as quickly as we came in" and rolled over to the coffee shop for some beverage. I ran into my Jonathan there. This happens a lot actually, running into him at the coffee shop. Huh, this is actually ironic. Last Christmas I ran into him at the coffee shop after Chris and I "finally" started dating. He had never met Chris, although when I first started to get to know him I asked Jonathan to kill him for me multiple times (a good sign of future relationships, I am sure). So, I see Jonathan there last Christmas and told him that Chris was now my boyfriend, and there was great rejoicing and awkward conversation. Anywho, so this year I see Jon boy and he is with another of my dear dear friends Kirsten and AAAAAAAAAAAKK!!! They are dating now! Finally!! Hopefully this will last more then my six month thing. I was so excited I was jumping up and down and spinning and imagining a great fiesta had just broke out and stuff. I said: "I feel like I just had a baby or something!" Jonathan and Kirsten gave me my boot camp training in being "in the middle." They both filled my ears about thoughts on each other for years and I listened and made suggestions as I saw fit, but was always scared to death of betraying the confidence of the other. Well, if I did and all I think it's working out as it should. I gave up on them all together in the last two years. Yay!
Anywho, we talked for a long time. Then Jonathan (who is the same personality type as I am) started getting antsy because people they knew started "swarming" in and taking over the place. So they took off and Krista and I had a good long talk about life: past, present and future. Mostly we talked about love and how our understanding of what it is has grown and changed over the years. She has stuck with me so long and despite knowing all of my peccadilloes... (the damn quotes not here, but read them all anyway because they are all worth memorizing and commiting to serious thought and action) I think whatever Krista and I share, it must be love.
*grins* Happy place.
So, Dom, the guy who played Merry, was born on my birthday!! Cool, eh? So I have been watching about everything that can possibly be watched on the Two Towers extended edition (right now I am on the cast comentary, which is very interesting AND funny btw) and I keep on noticing how dang cute Pippin is. Which brings me to my next point: is hobbit lust like punguin lust? I don't know, but Billy Boyd is an interesting person, even if he isn't quite as cute as Pippin. Check out his very cool home page that includes some wonderful personal touches.
I have been up all night and am hoping to make it through the day because, well, it's Christmas, and my family has p-l-a-n-s. I was actually productive whilst watching Two Towers stuff. I made a bunch of jewelry that will be gifts. Speaking of gifts, getting Natalie beads is always nice. Encouraging her obssesive nature also has the added benefit of being amusing if nothing else. I like turquise!!! Honestly folks, I hope you all have a heartwarming day with those closest to you. Mwa.
I don't know what it is about being home, but I always seem to sleep more then anywhere else. No more 20 hour stretches, but some 12 hour ones. My family had a nice Christmas Eve. We made our normal Christmas Eve snack foods and sat around the fire and talked. Mom and I played Rummy, I won.
We went to the Christmas Eve service at our church which was pleasantly awkward. I don't think those people have ever known what to do with me (or my family for that matter) and for lack of anything better to do they had tried to fit us into some sort of norm... and we keep popping out. It actually hurts to go it there and think of all the people who I honestly thought cared about me, but really wanted me to fit into their ideas of reality. This applies to my ex-boyfriend as well as others. There are some there who I know really do care about me and are fine with me being me, but they are the few. We had communion tonight and I seriously considered not taking any because I have such a hard time getting a good attitude while I am there. I just had to always keep in mind that those who I feel oppressed by are not what I am to align my faith with. I align myself with Christ alone, and anyone who has a problem with that can take it up with Him. It’s odd that living my faith sometimes involves defiance, gracious though it may be, but it does. I have realized that living my life the way God would have me live it involved being true to myself and not swayed by the desire for good opinions from those perceived as pious. I need not to settle with the “assumed me”, I need to allow the core of myself to shine. That’s the only part that God’s light has any chance of sparkling from inside me. Jesus Christ was a radical. He didn’t allow the temptation of insincerity to cloud the rewards of actually sucking it up and being nice.
Alright, *steps of tiny soap box* I am going to take a shower kids. Have a great Christmas.
So, I just managed to sleep for twenty hours.... after sleeping for ten hours and only being up for maybe two hours... which means that my eyes are having a lot of trouble focusing my eyes right now and I really need to brush my teeth. Before I managed to pass out we had Lodico Family spagetti, which was a good thing, except that now I really REALLY need to brush my teeth! How does one manage this? It seems like I have been sleeping since I got home!
I went to see Return of the King last night and this night (or morn) I am watching the extended edition of the Two Towers. What I have decided is that I want to marry Pippin. I have declared my desire to marry charecters in movies before. My mother actually observed once that falling in love is my hobby, but really, it's only happened that I myself want to marry a charecter a few times. Most noteably Maximus and Crawl (which was really more an off handed threat to my father). The funny thing is this, which I have to say makes me think that perhaps what I really need to do is marry Russell Crow... but Natalie Crow just doesn't sound that good, so I think being a Hobbit and marrying Pippin is really the best thing for all concerned, besides that fact that people will forever be wondering what it was in fact that I "took"... he hehe.
My good friend Davey helped me fix up my site. He also helped me figure out what I am doing. This is a good thing. Hopefully there will be some major blogging going down in the next few days.
I think the single best thing about college social life is having a birthday. I was homeschooled, so I didn't grow up with the verbal showers of "Happy Birthday!" that I have gotton the last two years here. Those of you who have summer birthdays, my regrets. All of yesterdays events has me once again analyzing what my specific love language is.
For those of you who don't know, there are generally five love languages a person can have.
1. Acts of Service
2. Quality Time
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Gifts
5. Physical Touch and Closeness
These five languages can manifest themselves in many different ways. For instance, I think my main language is an odd mix of gifts and words of affirmation. The cards I got for my birthday with funny little personal details reflecting who I am meant more then anything else. I guess anything that truly reflects the extent that someone knows me is wonderful. Some of my girlfriends took me down to Rembrandt's for dinner because they know I love the European flaver that place has. That is indirectly a gift and an affirmation. This has to work somehow.
I also have to factore in how physical I am though. Probably the complement I get most from people is how much they love my hugs. They actually seem to have a brand name: "Natalie hugs." I guess it's because for me physical affection is just an expression for feelings that language can't define properly. So I guess my main love language is the words/gifts of affirmation thing with a secondary physical touch and closeness thing.
I love thinking about stuff like this. Last night Pippi and I were talking to a mutual friend of ours and I was asking him questions and then jumping to conclusions about things that were dead on. He looked at me and asked how I knew and Pippi replied in a way only she can: "Look at her eyes! She just knows." So I know I have somesort of a gift and I feel like I finally have come to a peace about going into counseling, yet not allowing it to define me. I would be able to set my own hours and factor in as much time to write as possible. Life is shaping up to be quite nice at this "old maid" age of 21.
I am going to try and describe this amazing evening with as few words as possible in the interest of tiredness and intrigue. *ahem* Movie in bathroom with friends due to study group of other friends in neihboring commons. Orlando: death, love, poetry, politics, society, sex, birth plus lots of androgyny. Pasta and sauce analogies till two a.m. in third. Resting in the peace that God is the cheif and only he truly knows when both the pasta and the sauce are done, ready to be mixed, and what the perfect accenting pasta or sauce is for the other. Water, hugs, love. I love Covenant.
Do you ever just get frusterated? Frusterated with Dr. Davis giving you stuff to read that is longer then the dictionary!!!! I hate reading this semester because Modern is to dry and cerebral... and I can't spell that well and stuff.
I had the most amazing break. It was calm and warm. I saw people who have loved me since before I was even born, related and non-related. I had deep conversations with people I haven't seen in ages. When you know someone that well there is no small talk or catching up, you just dive in. Breathing deep from the core of your own existance... something you can't create, it's just there and you have to learn about it. When I am at home (being at my aunt's in Cleveland, Ohio) my core seems to just sigh and simply be. I like that. I like who I am and continually discovering what it means to be me.
